Right now, in my life, it is a time of transition. I have spent the last year and a half blissfully, and yes, sometimes painfully, embracing my domesticity and motherhood. However the time has come to go back to work which means my life, my time and my purpose will shift and compromises will have to be made. I will not always be there to kiss my girls goodnight or put the baby down. I will miss end of year school plays, choir concerts and even a birthday. I will not be there the day Joshua Jr. gains solid footing and toddles across the room for the first time. It goes without saying that the missing is hard. On me and my kids. I will not tell you it’s always worth it, it’s not, but it is the choice I made the day I welcomed my first baby into my heart. I chose to be a mother and I chose to continue to work. Truthfully, working and earning isn’t really an option. The choice is in how I decide to do that and the reality is, I’ve been acting since I was eleven years old. I have put in my 10,000 hours and it’s what I know and do best. Part of me would love to retire from the screen and be a mommy blogger who works from home. Though I imagine that is not without it’s trials and tribulations! Another part of me would be devastated to give up performing and storytelling. The old adage “Women can have it all” is a half truth that kind of pisses me off really. You may, as a woman, be able to have a successful career and a family but you are always, always compromising one for the other. I guess you can call it having it all, you just can’t have it all at once.
I am so grateful for the last 15 months and what it has meant to me and my family to be fully, wholly present. It has been a tremendous time of growth for me as a mother, wife and homemaker. I was able to settle into a family routine and ritual for the first time since having children and I relished taking back ownership of my home and family. For years I have had to share both with caregivers and nanny’s and rarely had enough of a break from work to take a breath, find some silence and determine with my husband how we’d like our ship to be run. This past year has been a true blessing in that it allowed me that breath and silence to fall into the rhythm of “our” routine. Day by day my confidence as a mother grew and now, despite leaving my gorgeous kids behind in Utah for the next month, I feel like I can easily and confidently step back in when time allows to reaffirm our way. I can’t begin to tell you what a relief that confidence is. The constant worry, guilt and shame that has accompanied my years as a working mother has been at times debilitating and has robbed me of so many perfectly imperfect moments with my kids. It always surprises me how long some lessons take me to learn, but I’m trying to give myself a break and be grateful that at least I had the wherewithal to learn it.
So back to transitions. Since my life is in transition and this is a lifestyle blog, it too will transition. The focus of Those Heavenly Days will shift a bit from crafting, cooking and hosting but will still honestly and authentically detail my lifestyle, my inspirations, my struggles, my lessons and of course my family. I’m planning a new series that will dive into what I am most deeply experiencing each month that I’m thinking will feel a bit like an edited version of a journal entry. No one wants to read the unedited version trust me! I’ll continue to curate my list of favorite artisan finds and can’t wait to explore Toronto for all their small batch, handmade artisanal treasures. I’m going to include you all in a day on the set from hair and makeup, to wardrobe to scene work. What my life looks like behind the camera is something I’m really excited to share since I’ve never done it before and it’s such a giant part of who I am. My crafting projects will be limited to what I can easily take with me to work and do on set between scenes so get ready for lots of knitting and crocheting!
I’m so excited for this shift in my life and the blog and can’t wait to share the journey with all of you. I am so grateful for the community Those Heavenly Days has created and for all of your continued support, encouragement and positivity. It has been incredibly fun for me to engage with all of you in this way and I could not be having a more positive experience doing so!
Stay tuned for my next post, and thank you again for taking the journey with me! XOXO, KT